Sex has no calories. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. No sex with anyone in the same office. Sex is like snow; you …
It is better to have love and lost – blah, blah, blah All the good ones are taken. If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them. Money …
For St. Patrick’s Day or any other day, you are with friends “May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door.” “To all the days here and after, may they be filled with fond memories, happiness, and laughter.” “May the best day of your past be …
For the curious Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. The 50-50-90 rule: In a 50-50 chance situation of getting something right, there …
For the Suits Upper Management is clueless. Get over it. Change is the norm. Shit rolls downhill until it gets to you All applicants will work overtime and off shifts. That is why they are applicants. Upper management’s job is to screw things up. Yours is to unscrew them. Do not volunteer for an assignment …
For Everybody that uses a computer Whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. When the going gets tough – upgrade. For every function, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. If at first, you don’t succeed, blame your computer. As soon as you understand your computer, it will become obsolete. Any computer …
Even lawyers are not safe The client that pays the least complains the most. A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes. A firm’s meeting is an event where the minutes are taken and the hours are lost. People who like sausages and respect the law should never watch either being made. …
Because two is twice the fun If you are tired, they will act as if they have had 5 Red Bulls. The moment you are in the car and ready to go, one will poop – not a regular poop, but an Olympic poop. When you grab your phone to record something funny, they will …
For all of the wonderful Moms out there If you wear black, they will have a runny nose. If you wear white, they will have muddy hands. If you change their diaper, they will immediately poop in the new one. If you mop the floor, they will spill something. If you put on fresh socks, …
For all of the joggers and runners If the road you are running on becomes narrow, that is the moment where cars coming from opposite directions will appear. When running hills on a windy day, you will always have a headwind while running uphill and a tailwind when running downhill. When running a loop, the …